Caffiends to Just Start Pouring Coffee Down Customers' Throats

Due to “environmental concerns", the student-run Victoria University cafe, Caffiends, will no longer provide mugs, instead pouring coffee directly into customers’ mouths “scalding hot and straight from the pot.”

Caffiends volunteer Gillian Mansfield took a relaxed 40-minute chunk out of her one-hour shift to tell The Boundary about the new procedure:

“Eliminating paper cups was pretty eco-friendly, but think about all the water and labor and soap we’re saving now that we’re not washing cups all the time.” Mansfield readjusted her beanie, and continued. “That, and now we don’t have to worry about people stealing our fucking mugs.” As for temperature and quality, “[the staff] tries to keep the brew at around 211°F to bring out the bold, Caribbean flavours."

In addition to going mug-free, the coffee shop has also decided to cease the provision of milk, cream, sugar, and napkins. Consequently, a new sign has been posted behind the bar, sporting the motto: “You can have your coffee in any combination you want, so long as it’s black.”

Discontinuing napkins was initially problematic, says Mansfield, but Caffiends co-managers found “cool and innovative” ways to mop up the mess. The cafe recently partnered with The Strand and is now using the hundreds of unread issues as “thick and efficient serviettes.”

Story is developing.