To avoid the crowded, sweaty state of fraternities and clubs, students are DIY-ing new and creative ideas to entertain their friends in the comfort of their own residences. However, we’re seeing a new batch of problems arise, particularly with the ever-popular stoplight party.
“Look, it’s just not a fun thing for me,” says Patricia Mayhew, freshman at Victoria college. “I kept getting girls AND guys coming up to me, and no one told me I was green. My girlfriend was pissed”. For those of our readers who are unaware virgins, stoplight parties are where you wear one of the namesake’s colors to represent your relationship status, with green being “down to clown” and red being “I’m a lame ass so I’m in a relationship.”
Other students reported Mayhew’s colourblindness was just a massive downer. “Honestly, I wouldn’t hang out with Patricia again,” says an anonymous party goer. “Dude just freaked out the whole time. Like, what, did you just find out you were colourblind?”
Nevertheless, Mayhew has issued an official complaint with the office of accessibility at Vic due to his exclusion. “Maybe getting laid would have helped her,” says Christian Thomas, guidance counselor. “She was really chatty,” he continued, “there’s students I see who face legitimate discrimination. Patricia is just a whiner.”
Mayhew’s (very justified) social ostracization brings to mind the ethical questions of hook up culture for the student body. Why sex work remains criminalized and these whorish festivities endure is beyond this writer.
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