As the neglected middle child of the UofT community, commuters face an abundance of adversity, dealing with long travel distances, social alienation, and public transit’s unsatisfactory performance. Speaking of unsatisfactory performances, a commuter from East Gwillimbury named Richard Everett faced his own adversity at a Toronto-based orgy.
Already arriving at the orgy 45 minutes late due to a TTC delay despite leaving an hour in advance, Everett had a lot of catching up to do. “We even waited 10 minutes past the set orgy time,” commented an orgy-goer. “But at a certain point, you have to look out for your own.”
By the time Everett arrived, all the best spots had already been taken, confining him to the hard corner of the bed. Even worse, the communal tube of lube was bone dry, with all that was left being a tub of expired mayonnaise. “I knew I shouldn’t have brought my backpack to the orgy,” Everett remarked. “I looked like a f***ing idiot.”
Despite his best efforts, Everett could not keep up with the tightly knit community that formed before he arrived and missed out on the finale, being forced to finish off with the stragglers. “They kept referencing an inside joke during the orgy but wouldn’t tell me what it was about,” Everett reported. “I bet it had something to do with the backpack.”
Needless to say, Everett will be driving to next year’s orgy.
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