Polisci Major Excited To Ruin Thanksgiving
Artemis Fedorchuk
In the miserable depths of midterms, everyone at the University of Toronto is grateful for the brief repose granted by the Thanksgiving long weekend. For many domestic students, it’s an opportunity to eat copious amounts of pumpkin pie and spend time with loved ones, even if it involves silently praying that the older members of their extended family don’t mention their questionable attitudes towards minority groups while the meal is being served.
However, Carla Marks, a second year political science major at Woodsworth, is grateful for the opportunity to weaponize her education and incite dinner table discourse. She has reportedly already prepared her talking points and rebuttals to “dunk on” her elderly kin who voted for Doug Ford in the last provincial election.
“Great Aunt Gertrude won’t know what hit her,” Marks told one of our correspondents. “I don’t understand why she continues to support politicians who only seek to further their own interests and act out self-indulgent vendettas. God, I can’t wait to put that decrepit old hag in her place.”
Marks has also recently gone vegan, which she hopes will be another point of contention. Reportedly, she plans to tell her four year old nieces that they’re “cold blooded murderers” because the turkey they’re eating is the same as the turkeys they saw at the petting zoo, which she doubts will go over well with her older brother. She’s also looking forward to shaming her uncle for his recent acquisition of a “gas guzzling, earth burning, and borderline fascistic” Jeep Wrangler. Regardless of whatever havoc she plans on wreaking, our sources have informed us that her grandmother makes a delectable sweet potato casserole, so we’re hoping for an invite.
Comments