“So Long Suckers!” says Recent Grad Entering Debt, Mother’s Basement

As senior students look toward the bright futures ahead of them with their incredibly impressive Bachelor of Fine Arts degrees, some more zealous students are ensuring their classmates know just how excited they are.

“So long you degenerate fucks,” exclaims Walter Mathers, an upcoming Trinity College graduate. “You’ll all remember the name Walter S. Mather’s when I make it big!”. Mathers will graduate in the spring of 2025 with a degree in Peace, Conflict, and Justice with double minors in Cinema Studies and Yiddish language. 

Walter had built up a reputation as quite a-know-it-all in his 4th year seminar ‘Reworking the Arcane.’

“Yeah, I’m 90% sure I’ve never seen him with any friends” said an anonymous classmate. “He kept calling us ‘plebians’ and always smelled like meatloaf.”

Mathers might not be well received by fellow students, so we at the Boundary decided to go to right to the source. “He’s always going on about how I’m wrong about him and how he’s going to make it big,” says Mrs. Mathers, Walter’s mother. “All he does is repost 6ixbuzz articles and masturbate. I’m just grateful his dad left before he had to see what his boy would become.”

If you are graduating this year, please remember that this accomplishment is shared by about 10,000 other people who are much, much dumber than you and will make exponentially more money. And Walter.